Written by the Clinical Team at BHSI
BHSI’s therapists help Minnesotans navigate grief and loss with steady, judgment-free support, however long healing takes.
Updated: 10/08/26
There is no set timeline for grief. The pain often changes with time, becoming less constant while still returning in waves around holidays, anniversaries, meaningful memories, or unexpected reminders. If those feelings remain deeply intense for at least a year after a death and make it difficult to manage everyday life, they may be signs of prolonged grief disorder, sometimes called complicated grief.
Missing someone and feeling the loss years later does not mean you are grieving the wrong way. What matters more than how much time has passed is how the loss is affecting your life now.
Key Takeaways
- Grief does not follow one universal timeline.
- Feeling sadness years later does not automatically mean grief is complicated.
- Grief does not have to move through five stages in order.
- Prolonged grief disorder involves persistent symptoms that significantly disrupt daily life.
- Holidays and anniversaries can bring strong feelings back even after grief has softened.
- Therapy can help when grief leaves you feeling stuck, isolated, or unable to move forward.
Table of Contents
What Does Normal Grief Look Like Over Time?
Normal grief can change considerably over time, and there is no deadline for when you should stop missing someone. Early grief may feel almost constant, while later grief may come more in waves that are connected to memories, milestones, places, or reminders of the person who died.
You may have days when life feels manageable, followed by a day when the loss suddenly feels close again. A birthday, a song, a familiar restaurant, or something you wish you could tell that person can bring feelings back without erasing the progress you have made.
Grief also does not look the same for everyone. The relationship you had with the person, the circumstances of the death, your support system, your culture, and what else is happening in your life can all shape the grieving process.
Studies of bereavement show that people follow different grief trajectories rather than one predictable timetable. A systematic review and meta-analysis published in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that a minority of bereaved adults experience persistent symptoms consistent with prolonged grief disorder.
The fact that grief still appears in your life does not mean you have failed to heal. Healing can mean learning to carry the loss differently rather than reaching a point when the person no longer matters.
Does Grief Happen in Stages?
Grief does not have to happen in a fixed sequence of stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are widely known as the five stages of grief, but they should not be treated as a checklist or schedule for how bereavement is supposed to unfold.
You may experience some of those emotions, all of them, or feelings that do not fit neatly into any stage. You might also feel acceptance one day and anger or deep sadness the next.
The American Psychological Association’s Dictionary of Psychology explains that the stages of grief are not a step-by-step process. People may experience different emotions at different times, revisit feelings they have experienced before, or feel several emotions at once. There is no required order or set amount of time for moving through grief.
This matters because the idea of stages can sometimes create another standard you feel pressured to meet. You do not need to reach “acceptance” by a certain date or complete one emotional stage before moving to another.
Grief is usually less like climbing a staircase and more like adapting repeatedly to a life that has changed.
What Is Complicated Grief?
Complicated grief is a term often used for persistent, intense grief that continues to interfere significantly with everyday life. The current clinical diagnosis is prolonged grief disorder, which describes grief that remains deeply disruptive rather than gradually becoming more manageable over time.
For adults, prolonged grief disorder may be considered when at least 12 months have passed since the death, and a person continues to experience intense longing for or preoccupation with the person who died, along with other significant grief-related symptoms.
Time alone does not determine whether grief has become prolonged grief disorder. The intensity of the symptoms, their effect on your ability to function, and how difficult it feels to reconnect with everyday life are also important.
You can miss someone intensely years after a death without having a grief disorder. A painful anniversary or sudden wave of sadness is different from grief that remains so persistent that relationships, responsibilities, or plans for the future continue to feel difficult to manage.
If you are wondering whether your grief has become stuck, you do not have to make that distinction yourself. A mental health professional can help you look at the full picture without judging how long you have been grieving.
What Are the Signs Grief Has Become Prolonged Grief Disorder?
Signs of prolonged grief disorder can include persistent longing or preoccupation with the person who died, along with significant difficulty adapting to life after the loss. The symptoms remain intense enough to cause meaningful distress or interfere with important areas of daily functioning.
The American Psychiatric Association (APA) lists symptoms that can include difficulty accepting the death, avoidance of reminders, intense emotional pain, emotional numbness, loneliness, feeling that life is meaningless, and difficulty reconnecting with friends, interests, or plans for the future.
You might feel as though part of your identity disappeared when the person died. You may avoid places, belongings, conversations, or people that make the death feel real, or feel unable to imagine a meaningful future without the person who is gone.
One sign worth paying attention to is how much grief is shaping your ability to live. If relationships, work, daily responsibilities, interests, or plans for the future remain significantly disrupted, additional support may help.
You do not need to wait until your grief feels unbearable to reach out. You can talk with a therapist because you are hurting, because you feel stuck, or simply because carrying the loss alone has become exhausting.
Why Do Holidays and Anniversaries Make Grief Harder?
Holidays and anniversaries can make grief feel stronger because they bring memories, traditions, expectations, and the person’s absence into sharper focus. A day that once felt familiar may suddenly highlight everything that has changed.
The first holiday season after a death can be difficult, but later holidays can be hard too. There is no rule that the second Christmas, fifth birthday, or tenth anniversary should no longer affect you.
You may also experience conflicting emotions. You can enjoy dinner with your family and miss the person who should have been sitting at the table. You can laugh at a holiday gathering and cry on the drive home.
Those emotions do not cancel each other out. Moments of happiness do not mean you have forgotten someone, just as moments of sadness do not mean you have lost all the progress you have made.
It can help to decide ahead of time which traditions you want to keep, which ones you want to change, and how much social activity feels manageable. Grief during the holidays may call for more flexibility, not pressure to recreate celebrations exactly as they were before the loss.
How Is Complicated Grief Treated?
Complicated grief, or prolonged grief disorder, can be treated with professional mental health support that helps you process the loss while gradually reconnecting with your life. Treatment is not about forgetting the person or forcing yourself to “move on.”
Therapy can give you space to talk about the relationship, the circumstances surrounding the death, painful reminders, guilt, anger, loneliness, or the ways your life changed afterward. It can also help you begin approaching parts of life that grief may have made difficult to face.
Treatment should reflect your individual experience. Grief can overlap with depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, sleep problems, relationship strain, or other concerns, so a clinician may look at more than grief alone when developing a treatment plan.
BHSI offers grief and loss therapy in Minnesota for people who want support navigating bereavement and other significant losses. You do not have to decide whether your grief is “normal enough” or “serious enough” before reaching out.
If your grief still feels as heavy as it did at the start, BHSI’s therapists can help you make space for the loss and find a way forward at your own pace. Appointments are available in person at five Twin Cities locations or by telehealth.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to still cry about a loss years later?
Yes, a memory, anniversary, song, holiday, or unexpected reminder can bring sadness back years after someone dies. Crying or missing someone does not, by itself, mean that your grief is unhealthy or that you have failed to move forward.
What's the difference between grief and depression?
Grief is a response to loss, while depression is a mental health condition that can affect how you feel, think, function, and experience life more broadly. The two can overlap, so a therapist or psychiatric provider can help if you are unsure what you are experiencing.
Can you grieve something other than a death?
Yes, people can grieve many kinds of losses, including the end of a relationship, changes in health, infertility, loss of a job, a major move, or a future they expected to have. The experience may be different from bereavement after a death, but the sense of loss can still be significant.
Does grief therapy mean something is wrong with me?
No, grief therapy gives you a place to process a significant loss with someone who understands how grief can affect everyday life. Your therapist will complete an assessment to understand what you are experiencing and to guide your care. It is not a judgment that something is wrong with you.
Can grief cause physical symptoms?
Yes, grief can affect your body as well as your emotions, and some people notice changes in sleep, appetite, energy, concentration, or physical tension. If a physical symptom is new, persistent, or concerning, talk with a medical provider rather than assuming grief is the cause.
How can I support a friend who is still grieving?
You can support a grieving friend by continuing to show up without pressuring them to be “over it.” Listen, remember meaningful dates, invite them to things without demanding that they participate, and let them talk about the person who died if they want to.
About BHSI
BHSI’s clinicians understand that grief doesn’t follow a schedule and that it can overlap with depression, anxiety, sleep problems, or strain in relationships. Through therapy, medication management when appropriate, or coordinated care, BHSI’s team can help you understand what you are experiencing and find a way to carry the loss while reconnecting with the parts of life that still matter to you.
BHSI provides behavioral health care at five Twin Cities locations and through telehealth in Minnesota. If grief continues to feel overwhelming or you simply want somewhere to talk about the person and the life you lost, support is available.